The path of being a mom is so enriching that all the graces of the world are not enough to thank Benjamin, my son, for the teachings he gives me every second that passes by. Being a mom is one of the most enriching experiences of my life. There are times I see on Facebook articles of truly happy beings when traveling or doing things like that, and I who have had the opportunity to travel, I can say that the joy of knowing A new place compared to the joy of a spontaneous embrace of your child is minimal. A child makes the body feel small for so much love, that the heart is weak to endure so much sweetness and it then you realize that if there is something powerful in life are the good feelings.
But do not go to believe that everything is color rose, there are difficult days, there are days when I want to have 5 children because how wonderful they are and others days I say: I want surgery now !!! And I’ll just stay with one son! Today I’m on one of the days I want 5 hahaha. In addition to how complicated it is to be a mom, everything that moms do is questioned: bad because I do not put limits, bad because I guess, bad because I do this but also bad because I do the opposite. In the end, each mom decides what she does with the information she receives and what she sees works for her and her baby. In this post I want to share that it has worked for me to handle some situations with Benjamin, first clarifying that I do not always manage to control them.
After reading a lot of information about parenting, I apply things and others do not, and I have drawn my own conclusions: I believe in the limits, I believe in the consequences, I believe in education and discipline, I do not believe in Aggression; emotional or physical. But I do believe in being firm with the value system I want for my home. I think I should be the person who gives my child tools not punishments and that I must be an example for him. And as I am very loving, Benjamin knows that the limits I make, he has to respect them and I am not flexible in many things.
There are two things I want to share today that work for me to handle Benjamin’s temper tantrums, and I do not always do them because there is crying and tantrums happening. If my son is hit I do not tell him that nothing happened that he does not need to cry, no, I hug him until he calms down and feels that he is already well. But there are other cries that I simply will not embrace: for toys, for food, for wanting to do what he wants … not those.
The first thing that works for me, is to get at his level, to ask him to look me in the eye and to talk to me. I explain that if he speaks I understand him better than if he just cries and I can help him better, he can continue to cry But while he talks to me. If he had a bad behavior I also put myself in the same position and I tell him that that is not done, that is done in another way.
Something as simple as changing our body language and putting ourselves at the same height makes a big difference. He sees me as his partner, as his ally that wants to help. I talk to him and talk until he manages to have a conversation with me. In the middle of the conversation while he cries I speak to him from the values I want him to see, such as being grateful, being humble, being tender, being respectful … Many times the focus is more from gratitude, such as: Benjamin we do not cry for food because thanks to God we have food, because every night we go to bed we are blessed with a full belly, there are people in the world who do not have to eat, we can not complain about that because God has been good with us and We need to be thankful nstead of crying
The second thing that works very well has been teaching him to breathe counting to 10. I’ve been teaching him for 8 months and just 15 days ago he learned to do it alone and I’ve already found him breathing only counting to 10, or he says: Mom breathe with me to Calm me down and I always do with him. Two things that are key at this point is first not to expect him to do so from the first moment because many things of values and emotional intelligence that we want to teach will be seen later and not at the moment. We must be persistent and continue teaching until his brain has already assimilated to the point that he already does it alone.
And the reason to wait is because those tools that teach them how to handle situations are not a fire extinguisher, but we want them to be part of their lives. I want adult Benjamin to handle stressing situations with many tools that I give him today. If I yell at you then what teaching I am giving you? If I hit you, what tool am I giving you to handle your emotions later? So let’s think, how do I want my son to handle difficulties and temper in his life, with more aggression or learning to level them? And from there we begin to change ourselves as parents first.
The other key part of this type of teaching is the example. When I want to scold him for something he did or said or if something happened to me, I close my eyes in front of him and start to breath counting (exaggerate a little so he can see that it works) so when he sees that what I teach him I also practice it, and it works for me, he has begun to practice it in his life. But as I say is not something that happened overnight but that once it begins to happen is something that stays with them.
One note that I want to make is that when these things happen do not say negative things such as: it is that you are unbearable, is that you are foolish, is that you are the worst … but take advantage and tell them you can learn to control you, you are a Child of peace, you are a respectful person, I understand why you are learning, I am learning with you, that you just did not do well but I know you are learning, remember how valuable you are, you are love, You are my sweet child … Remember that every minute we are with our children is an opportunity for learning for them, building their character and their self-esteem and shaping their behavior.
Share how you handle these situations and lets make a list of tools to transmit to our children?